How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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