If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
His nipple licking is glorious
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