well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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