Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
