You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize