his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
