It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
