We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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