There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
