Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
