well I can't set my house on fire every night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
