ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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