I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
