i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
