Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
