So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
