I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
