We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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