While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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