No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
