i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
