dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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