So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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