You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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