There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
