So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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