I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
