Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
