drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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