the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
