i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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