So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
