wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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