What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
