i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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