:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
