I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I need to align my fucking chakras
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
