Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
