Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
