Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish I only lived at night.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She told me I should be a condom model.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
