I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
