Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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