I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the raccoons are back...
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