maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
