May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
