ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
