I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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