I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
