I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
being pregnant is like rehab
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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