She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Shame - the story of my life.
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