Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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